What Is the Vagus Nerve and Why Does It Matter?
The vagus nerve doesn’t respond to your goals. The vagus nerve helps your body slow down, relax, and feel safe. It responds to your rituals.
For high-functioning, emotionally saturated women navigating chronic sensory fatigue and alexithymia, calming down isn’t about trying harder. It’s about training your nervous system to trust again.
The vagus nerve is the longest cranial nerve in your body, running from your brainstem through your chest and abdomen (Physiopedia, 2025; Cleveland Clinic, 2025). It’s the main highway of your parasympathetic nervous system—the “rest and digest” mode that helps you recover, connect, and heal.
When your vagus nerve is well-regulated, you feel anchored, clear, and emotionally available. This state is called ventral vagal tone—where connection happens and safety is felt, not just understood (Relationship Institute, 2024).
Felt Safety vs. Forced Stillness
Felt safety is the opposite of performative calm. It doesn’t mean pretending everything’s fine. It means your body truly believes it’s not in danger.
For those with alexithymia (trouble identifying or expressing emotions), rituals give the body a language before the brain finds the words (Goerlich et al., 2023).
(Alexithymia means it’s hard to know or describe how you feel inside.)
That language can be a warm sip. A slow exhale. A tone of voice that doesn’t spike.
Predictability Isn’t Boring. It’s Peace.
If your nervous system has spent decades on high alert, unpredictability is coded as threat. Even novelty can register as agitation (Dr. Stacey Denise, 2025). This is why repetition—once dismissed as monotony—is actually medicinal.
Rituals create neural anchors. Predictable actions like lighting the same candle at dusk or playing the same instrumental track at bath time tell your vagus nerve: You are safe here. You know this rhythm (Relationship Institute, 2024).
Ritual Cues to Support Your Vagal Tone
You don’t have to meditate for hours. Start small. Think micro-sensory moments that cue ventral vagal safety.
- Breath Phrase: Slow, deep breathing with longer exhales than inhales can help activate your vagus nerve and support relaxation. The words you use can help your mind focus, but it’s the rhythm of the breath that signals safety to your body (Cleveland Clinic, 2025; Soul Dimension, 2025).
Inhale and whisper internally, “I soften”. Exhale and say, “I stay”.
- Warm Tea: Choose thyme for its ancestral and anti-inflammatory benefits. According to Benefits of Things (2024), thyme tea contains natural compounds that may help reduce inflammation and support nervous system balance. Sip slowly!
- Soft Humming: Humming sends soothing signals through your vagus nerve, helping you feel calm (Vibrant Connections, 2025).
A 3-Minute Calm Cue: Thyme Tea + Breath
- Boil water and steep thyme tea for 5 minutes.
- Sit in a quiet space. Let your feet ground.
- Inhale deeply for 4 counts, exhale for 6.
- With each sip, repeat the phrase: This is my cue. I am allowed to feel calm.
This isn’t just self-care. It’s neural retraining. You are teaching your nervous system what safety feels like (Dr. Stacey Denise, 2025).
Closing Reflection: What Does Your Calm Actually Feel Like?
True regulation isn’t about numbing. It’s about nuance.
Tonight, try this: Before bed, sit with your thyme tea and ask yourself gently:
Where does calm live in my body right now?
It might be a warm pulse in the chest.
A softened jaw or a subtle drop in your shoulders.
Let your answer become your new metric for peace.
Because your vagus nerve doesn’t need willpower.
It needs rhythm.
It needs reverence.
It needs ritual.
Read more about the neuroaesthetic science behind this ritual in Can the Brain Be Rewired with Ritual?
